The Reluctant Jesus: A Satirical Dark Comedy by Duncan Whitehead

Author:Duncan Whitehead [Whitehead, Duncan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3
Publisher: UOL
Published: 2015-07-13T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER

19

MAGGIE HOPPED IN A CAB and disappeared into traffic toward TriBeCa. She promised me she would call later. Bob walked off toward the subway station. He too would call later, he promised. Maybe it was good that they had left. I had a lot to think about. God’s final words rang in my ears. Not the request for sausage, but the need to prepare for the final conflict. I wasn’t a fighter and never had been. This whole thing was getting out of hand, and things were suddenly going faster than I had ever anticipated. Why couldn’t I be oblivious to the whole thing? Why did I have to be the one who confronted the army of Lucifer and the beast? I was a natural coward; of all the people to choose to defend the existence of Earth, I was not that person. I dreaded to think what the anti-Christ would do to me. He would pulverize me and beat the crap out of me. It was me who needed defending. I was the meek, and one of my greatest fears had always been what if the meek inherited the earth, and then the Martians invaded? Who would protect us? Me? Are you kidding?

The walk from Milligan’s to my apartment usually took me ten minutes, and as thoughts of impending destruction and disasters and possible beatings by a giant of a man known simply as ‘the beast’ developed in my head, I was not paying attention to anything going on around me, least of all the fact I was being followed. I did, though, get the feeling that something was not quite right despite my state of mind and the amount of thoughts that occupied it. I first realized something felt odd as I passed the Gap, which I often shopped at for jeans and T-shirts. It was handily located and very reasonably priced, but I guess that isn’t important right now.

I spun around quickly and without warning, attempting to surprise whoever, if anyone, was following me. I didn’t notice anything suspicious or untoward though my fellow pedestrians seemed slightly perturbed by my sudden spin. I carried on walking, but the feeling was still there. I decided to alter my route home. I took a left where I usually took a right and then a right where I usually took a left. The ten-minute journey home increased as I circled a block and crossed and re-crossed avenues unnecessarily. Periodically, I would spin around but saw nothing or anyone that seemed untoward. Maybe I was going crazy; it was highly probable, considering the events of the past three days. Or maybe I was becoming paranoid, thanks to God’s warning that the battle with the anti-Christ, who I knew would be at least eight feet tall, was looming, but the feeling still persisted. I turned right and then a left and double backed once more, and again I did a quick spin and saw no one that I recognized from my previous turns.

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